Broken
by Silver Butterfly 111
Summary: Based off chapter 8 of City of Heavenly Fire Alec discovers the truth about his parents relationship and suddenly feels himself start to break. No one told him until now? Who could he possibly turn to who would understand his pain? (Now has a second and third part)
1. Broken

**I don't own The Mortal Instruments or the Infernal Devices.**

" 'He is very pretty. For a human.' 'He's very broken' said Magnus. 'Like a lovely vase that someone has smashed. Only luck and skill can put it back together the way it was before. -Magnus Bane, Cassandra Clare (The Infernal Devices: Clockwork Prince)

* * *

Alec had sworn to himself that he wouldn't go to see Magnus no matter what Heaven challenged his resolve with… But nothing.. No matter how strong his Clairvoyance rune was supposed to be.. He couldn't have seen this coming. Not at all.. And Isabelle..Izzy..strong and confidant Izzy had been been torn to pieces.. She was crying for Angel's sake. Alec could have counted the times he'd seen Izzy cry on a single hand and he'd probably have fingers left.

But she was crying now and she was angry at the same time. "Don't.. Just don't talk to me!" She screamed at Robert and Maryse. Then she turned and fled, from Alec and her parents. From her family.

Alec whirled to face his parents. "What the Hell is she talking about… It's not true is it?" Maryse bit her lip and Robert shifted uneasily on his feet, whether he was doing it consciously or unconsciously, he was shifting away from Maryse. Alec's eyes were trained to pick on the faintest movements during a battle. The movement and body language didn't go unnoticed.

Alec felt like he'd been physically slapped.

He took both a literal and figurative step backwards. Shaking his head, a shudder went through his entire body. Tremors, as if the very earth was shaking beneath his feet and trying to knock him down.

His parents. The last people in the world he'd ever thought would betray one another.

He thought of the marriage runes that bond Shadowhunters to each other, _were they not as powerful as he'd been lead to believe?_

He'd thought his parents loved each other and yet he wanted to slap himself for not seeing it sooner. Everything had been going downhill since Max's death, dad moving to Idris and spending less time in New York. Isabelle had said something along the lines of Robert only staying because of Max and now that Max wasn't around to hold the family together, it was crumbling. Fast.

Maryse reached out a hard to comfort him, expression concerned and pleading. Alec retreated yet another step.

"No." He whispered the word on an exhale, trying to make his denial a reality by breathing it into the air.

"..it's not true, why would you not tell me… You told Izzy! Why not me?" "This isn't something you would have wanted to know, we were trying to protect you Alec.. " Maryse trailed off when the words came out wrong.

"So what you're saying is that I needed protecting but Izzy _didn't_? Maryse flinched. " I was trying to protect Isabelle in a different way."

Alec scowled. "By ruining the way she views men?

Robert snorted disdainfully.

"You're one to praise opinions of men. You think that warlock is a saint when in fact he's the very opposite. Or did you forget warlocks are part demon, what lies has he told you that make you believe you know all the ways of the world." Alec reeled back, and even Maryse was shocked. "Robert!" She snapped, she turned back to console Alec, her son's face was twisted into a mask of pain and loathing. "Don't you dare being Magnus into this!" Alec snarled, spitting venom at his father before turning and fleeing like his sister before him.

* * *

And that was how Alec found himself throwing the door to the warlock representative's house open.

Magnus running into the room responding to the loud banging sound of the door hitting the wall, fingers spitting out sparks, eyes flashing in defensive anger.

Shock flittered across his face when he actually saw who it was. "Alec?" The tone was confusion, melding with concern as the warlock studied the shadowhunter's face.

Alec gave no verbal response, not really sure why or what made him come here of all places for comfort when- at the moment his and Magnus's relationship was about as stable as walking on thin ice, about as stable as his parents relationship Alec realized with bitter irony.

The young shadowhunter could practically feel the bile in his stomach.

Magnus on the other hand was troubled by Alec's sudden unannounced visit, and he couldn't help but recall a time long ago when another shadowhunter had visited him in a similar unannounced fashion, pleading with the warlock to assist him in the removal of a curse.

Alec and Will had been gifted with similar looks and the same occupation of shadowhunter but that was where Magnus believed their similarities ended. Personality wise Will matched Jace better, to the point where- if Will had been alive and the same age as Jace- they would have gotten alone either very well or horribly depending on how you looked at it.

Magnus shoved thoughts of William away violently. William was the reason he and Alec were in this mess in the first place… If Camille hadn't mentioned Will and if Alec hadn't been eavesdropping.. Things wouldn't have turned out the way that they were.

"Alec.. What's wrong?"

Despite Magnus's attempt to sound formal the way he did with most clients, the warlock couldn't seem to prevent an undertone of concern for Alec's well-being from slipping into the last part of the sentence.

Magnus mentally shook his head. The Lightwood boy had gotten to him, try as he might, Magnus still had some feelings for Alec even after the boy had conspired with Camille behind Magnus's back.

Magnus forced himself out of his thoughts and focused on Alec's broken and hurt expression.

"I'm blind." Alec hissed in a tone of bitter, self-loathing that took Magnus by surprise.

Alec continued his bleak monologue, rapidly spitting words out with an angry intensity, no pausing for breath. Just an angry stream of words.

The lack of pauses left no room for Magnus to interrupt even if he'd wanted to.

Sometimes people just needed to vent.

"...and Izzy is crying and she hardly ever cries and I'm a blind idiot because I didn't see any of this coming and I should have because it seems so obvious...and I'm just so angry for not seeing it!" Alec finally ran out of oxygen and had to take a breath.

Magnus kept his own voice at a more normal volume. "Let go of that dagger." he insisted, as if gently trying to coax a child into temporarily giving up a favorite toy.

Alec's eyebrows furrowed in confusion before his eyes flickered to his hand, where his fingers were holding a dagger in a vise-like grip.

Alec stared at it numbly, trying to remember how exactly it had gotten into his hand and how long it had been there.

Magnus stepped forward and gently unclenched Alec's fingers from around the hilt of the weapon and carefully set the object aside on a small decorative table by the door.

Alec had apparently decided that he'd taken enough of a break and broke out of his quiet state to resume his long winded rant.

"They didn't tell me! They're my family they're my family and they didn't trust me enough to tell me!" Here Magnus did intervene Alec's downward spiral unable to watch it go on any longer.

Magnus felt Alec go tense when Magnus embraced him, unlike times before, Alec didn't relax completely and despite Magnus's better judgement telling him to let go he didn't.

"Hush," Magnus soothed, "I know you shadowhunters have talents but even shadowhunters have to breathe." Magnus chuckled softly. A shaky breath from Alec was his reward for his efforts but Alec remained tense.

Magnus brushed his fingers lightly over Alec's shoulders, to his forearms and down to his wrists, his fingertips leaving the faint blue glow of magic in their wake as they went.

Alec breathed a small sigh as he felt his shoulders relaxing, the tense feeling in his muscles bleeding away.

It was a similar effect as that of a healing rune.

"Now," Magnus spoke again, carefully watching Alec's expression. "Why did you come to _me?_ You could have gone to Jace or to comfort your own sister but you came to me…with all of the recent… Disagreement in our own relationship I wouldn't have expected you to come to me, from the sound of things you should want to avoid me like the plague."

"I was planning to avoid you, but then my father started talking about you and I just couldn't stand it anymore."

Magnus breathed a sigh and his fingers retreated from Alec's wrists. The warlock graced the shadowhunter with a knowing smile. "I think I can handle criticism, I have thick skin."

"I took offense on your behalf, and I know that we're not on the best of terms right now but I just had to talk to someone and I was probably being selfish coming here anyway."

Magnus held Alec's shoulders tighter. "My feelings don't matter right now." Magnus assured. "Yours do. You came here because you trust me to see you when you feel at your weakest I have enough decency to do something to help you."

"Why?" Alec's voice echoed with broken confusion. "Because, aku cinta kamu." Magnus whispered, brushing away Alec's tears as he said it.

* * *

Magnus sacrificed the bed and spent the night on the couch, it was clear that Alec didn't want to go back to the Inquisitor's house and face his parents and Magnus was one to oblige. He and Alec had shared a bed before but to do so now- what with their relationship on hold and the news about Alec's parents- would have been awkward to say the very least.

Alec had tried to convince Magnus that he'd be just fine on the couch but Magnus was having none of it. After an argument Alec relented and marched into Magnus's bedroom slamming the door.

Magnus settled on the couch, too troubled to sleep he contented himself with watching the shadows on the ceiling until dawn light chased them away.

He rose from the couch and rolled the tenseness out of his shoulders, making his way to the doorway of his bedroom, hoping that it wasn't locked. It wasn't. He pushed it open gently.

Alec was still sleeping, his face turned towards the door. Magnus inched into the room and knelt down to look into Alec's face, he looked at peace in his sleep. Magnus reached on a hand and traced Alec's closed eyelids with his fingertips.

Alec muttered in his sleep and shifted slightly. Magnus felt his own lips twitch into a melancholy smile.

"Alec, Alec wake up." Magnus whispered. Alec muttered once more before an understandable sentence made it past his lips. "No, let me sleep for eternity." Magnus smiled again and continued to trace Alec's eyelids. "Sleeping for eternity is impossible." In response Alec opened his eyes, the blue irises standing out against the white of his skin and the lingering shadows in the room.

Magnus felt an odd sense of guilt, he hadn't been lying when he said he loved Alec. Not once. He had never lied to Alec- withheld certain information yes, but he'd done that to protect Alec and had ended up hurting him anyway.

No more lies. No more half-truths. Alec deserved better. Brutal honesty.

Magnus stood, drawing his fingers away from Alec's face, resisting the urge to touch him again.

"You should go." Magnus insisted, voice sounding more flat than he meant.

Alec looked up at Magnus, slightly bewildered with the sudden change in him.

He sprang up from the bed as if he'd been suddenly pushed. Gaze flicking from Magnus, to the bed before an expression of slight embarrassment came over his face. By the Angel this was awkward. He hadn't meant to fall asleep. "Yeah- you're right I should go." an odd sort of hopefulness entered his tone, some part of him hadn't woken up to face the truth that him and Magnus were at the moment no longer 'a thing ' as Isabelle sometimes called it. _Isabelle. Oh god!_ His sister. He'd forgot about his sister who no doubt was suffering her own emotional turmoil. All hopeful thoughts of staying with Magnus. Both physically staying in the house with him and staying in a relationship. Vanished temporarily from his mind, replaced with- the temporally forgotten- concern for his sister. He felt instantly guilty.

"Izzy." He said, half to himself but Magnus heard anyway and smiled reassuringly. "Go to her." He insisted. Alec was already running from the room, out into the living room, pausing to reclaim his dagger which was still on the little table where Magnus had set it.

A letter was underneath. Alec squinted at the name. _Meliorn._ The faerie council representative. Alec vaguely remembered Isabelle knowing him from a while back. One of Isabelle's slightly longer-lived relationships. Alec raised an eyebrow in curiosity. He thought about asking Magnus what the letter was about but he didn't want to pry and risk another argument that had the potential to make his current standing with Magnus worse.

So he just turned his dagger in his hand and turned away from the table, heading for the door, he was aware of Magnus watching him, and he turned to look over his shoulder at the warlock, intending to thank Magnus for his hospitality, the 'thank you' was on his lips but before he could say anything Magnus spoke.

"You're sure you're okay?"

Alec blinked and his mouth snapped shut. His expression turned into something determined. "I'm working on it." Alec reassured. Magnus gave him a strange melancholy smile that seemed to surface from some other place in time, like he was remembering something else as he looked at Alec.

"Good." Magnus said, almost half to himself. Alec gave him a half smile before turning and walking out the door.

* * *

He marched up the steps of the Inquisitor's house- his father's house- no one met him by the door. There was no sound of voices- yelling or otherwise. At least not at first. Alec made his way up the stairs and started to hear noise coming from his bedroom _his bedroom?_ He raised an eyebrow- this time in confusion. His hand was on the door knob, the words half way past his lips as he pushed the door open "Izzy are you-." He wasn't really sure if he had been going to say "are you okay?" Or "Are you in here?" He'd been expecting to see Izzy or even his mom or dad. Who he hadn't been expecting was Simon.

"What's he doing here?!"


	2. Fallen

Spoilers for Part 2 of City of Heavenly Fire (I don't have a copy of the book with me at the moment so I can't tell you exactly which chapters, sorry)

* * *

" **Men's consciences tell them:**

 **There is a dreadful Hell,**

 **And everlasting pains;**

 **Where sinners must with devils dwell, In darkness, fire and chains. (C. H. Spurgeon)**

* * *

Magnus felt the chains biting into his wrists, cold against his skin and yet burning all at once; cutting off his blood circulation as well as his magic.

He knew he was dying.

He didn't fight it. _Couldn't_ fight it.

Some morbid part of him- an old part of him that had seen countless awful things through the centuries- thought he _deserved_ this. No one should be immortal, Magnus had cheated death for far, far too long and now he was paying for it.

Was this it? Was he _actually_ giving up? After he'd told so many others not to?

 _You're a hypocrite._ He told himself….he couldn't bring himself to care.

He'd accepted his death, and so he just lay there on the floor of his cell in Edom, Luke and Raphael suffering alongside him.

And in his delirious and dying state he thought of Alec.

Perhaps his entire relationship with the Shadowhunter boy had been a mistake. Mistake or not, Magnus did not regret trying even though Downworlders were not supposed to love Shadowhunters. Him and Alec had been doomed to fail. Shadowhunter. Downworlder. Half-demon. Half-angel. Of course they wouldn't work. It was practically considered a sin. That hadn't stopped Magnus from loving Alec though. If it _had_ been a sin, Magnus did not regret it.

Was it so wrong to love someone that if they had to choose between you and the entire world, that you hoped they'd choose you?

Had any of the Shadowhunters figured out that him and Luke and Raphael were in Edom?

Was someone coming for them?

Did anyone care about them?

Did Alec care about him?

There it was again. Why did anything revolve around Alec Lightwood?

Why had Magnus even gotten involved with him and his friends?

An odd thought occurred to Magnus then. Would he be here, chained in Edom if he _hadn't_ gotten involved with Alec, Jace Izzy and Clay's plotting? Was this somehow their fault?

Sebastian had been in the room with them at some point….. Raphael had stopped talking. Raphael was...dead.

That realization didn't sit well with Magnus, Raphael had been a part of his life for so long and for him to be taken away so easily? Magnus stared at the body without really seeing it, blind to everything except the cross still around Raphael's throat.

The delicate white cross was now speckled with Raphael's own blood. Magnus turned away. Fighting off memories of the little boy he had saved from falling into despair all those years ago. Who had learned to wear a cross and say the word God even though it caused him pain.

What was death like for Raphael? When Magnus turned his head back the body was gone. Dragged away? Turned to ash? Burned? Removed by some form of magic? Raphael was gone. In every sense of the word.

* * *

Gone, Magnus was gone. Missing, taken.

Alec couldn't breathe. _Where? What were they doing to him?_ He was dimly aware of Jace standing next to him and trying to get his attention.

Some dark part of Alec thought that maybe he _deserved_ this. Part him still loved Magnus despite everything that had happened and against Alec's better judgement. And maybe that was why he couldn't breathe. This was his punishment. Having Magnus taken away from him because he'd been too afraid to love Magnus and accept the fact that he would die one day and Magnus wouldn't.

To have the opposite be a possibility? That was the cruelest form of irony.

Alec couldn't help but think that this was his fault. This is what happened when a Shadowhunter loved a Downworlder.

* * *

Magnus wasn't sure how much time had passed since Raphael's death. Magnus' entire existance had turned into pain. Pain and exhaustion that was settling into his limbs, his bones, his heart.

The door swung open with a crash.

Sebastian had finally come to finish what he had started with Raphael. Magnus felt a single defiant ember ignite within him. He did not want to die laying down.

He turned to force his limbs to make him stand but the command was too much. All that he managed to do was lift his head. And it was not Sebastian in the doorway.

Not Sebastian but- Alec- Alec and Clary.

They stood frozen in the doorway for one moment and then Alec was rushing for him.

And it might have been because of Magnus' delirious and pained state, the fact that he was dying, but he could have sworn Alec had angel wings sprouting from his back, between his shoulderblades. _My sin turned salvation._ Magnus thought as he stared in utter disbelief at those wings on Alec's back.

Black wings, tipped with blue fire. Fire that was reflected in Alec's eyes which blazed with the light of some unearthly inner power. _Angel-blooded._ Magnus thought. Reaching for the shadowhunter, unable to rise to his feet he pulled Alec against him and started to kiss him, Magnus' hand trailed up Alec's back- no wings- that part had been fevered imagination- but... The rest of him was real. Soild and real and not some illusion. Magnus' hand came to rest in Alec's hair and for a moment Alec froze against him and doubt rushed into Magnus' head but in the next moment Alec had given in to the kiss.

* * *

Alec was practically drowning in a sense of relief. Magnus was alive. Not safe, and by no means well, but _alive_. They hadn't been too late. They hadn't come for nothing. And when Magnus had started to kiss him. He didn't care if Clary or Luke or anyone else was watching. He kissed Magnus back, because this was something he thought he'd never get to do again and he had missed it.

He pulled away from Magnus, only enough to reach for his seraph blade, a name forming on his lips before Magnus' hand was on his wrist- the movement a bit difficult considering his chains.

"Call it, Raphael." Magnus said simply and Alec understood.

"Raphael." Alec said into the space between them, quiet conviction and reverence in his tone and the blade sprang to life with white fire and cut away Magnus' chains. Cleaving away at spells and metal alike until the chains fell to the floor with a _clang_.

The first thing Magnus felt was not his magic returning but rather the sensation of air brushing against the raw skin of his now exposed wrists.

It stung.

Alec reached across the space between them and rubbed the band of raw skin with his fingers. Magnus flinched at the pain that sparked in his wrist. Alec drew his fingers back.

Eyes flashing with a silent apology.

"Can you move them?" Alec asked. Tone sharp, but not unkind; a Shadowhunter essesing an injury.

Magnus rolled his wrists a little, ignoring the pins-and-needles feeling as the blood slowly started to move again. Slowly clenching and unclenching his fingers.

This seemed to satisfy Alec enough for the time being and he moved on to the next question.

"Can you stand?"

Magnus placed his hand down to brace himself, hissing through his teeth as his wrist protested. Alec was there in the next moment, placing Magnus' hand on his shoulder and slowly pulling Magnus up with him as they both stood.

"Your magic?" Alec asked gently. Magnus just shook his head. Alec's expression didn't falter at the grim confirmation, Magnus felt Alec's shoulder move beneath his hand as the Shadowhunter steeled himself.

"We'll get out of here." He said, eyes still burning with that unearthly inner fire as they joined Luke and Clary at the door and began the journey out of Hell.


	3. Unspoken

(Part 3 requested by AnabelleLightcaster Spoilers for City of Heavenly Fire chapters 24-25)

" **I've never been so scared of losing something in my entire life, then again nothing in my life has ever meant as much to me as you do." - (Unknown)**

* * *

Magnus and Alec hadn't gotten a chance to talk since returning from Edom.

Alec couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not. He couldn't decide if he should wait for Magnus to approach him and start a conversation first or if Magnus was waiting for him to make the first attempt at a normal conversation.

What did you even _say_ to someone after you'd literally gone to Hell to get them back?

Maybe that was why he'd crawled up to the roof. To think. To be away from people and just think things through.

Not that it seemed to be helping.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

There was the unmistakable sound of rustling fabric as Magnus settled down on the roof beside him. Alec turned to look at him. He seemed infinitely better than he had in Edom. His skin had regained color and his wrists had healed- a band of darker bruised skin was the only indication of where the chains had been.

"You saved my life." Magnus said into the dark between them, the stars reflecting in his yellow-green eyes.

"In Edom?" Alec asked. The way Magnus had worded the statement made Alec mentally run through all the life-threatening situations that he and Magnus had ever been in. The number was not reassuring, but Alec was pretty sure that Magnus had been the one who saved _his_ life ninety-five percent of the time.

Magnus rolled his eyes but Alec knew Magnus hadn't meant to offend him. "Yes in Edom, remind me to kill you for that later."

"You're…. welcome?" Alec said slowly. "Why do you want to kill me?"

"Because it was reckless and stupid and dangerous and need I go on?"

"No. I get the picture."

"Then I wasted my time looking at a thesaurus."

The corner of Alec's lip twitched.

"I'm being serious Alexander." Magnus insisted.

"I know." Alec replied the smile dying on his face as he turned away from Magnus, staring down at his shoes. Almost an entire minute had passed before Magnus spoke again.

"You saved my life," Magnus repeated, "not just in Edom, but when we first met."

Alec lifted his gaze back to Magnus as he continued speaking.

"... Warlocks are immortal, but... after a while we stop feeling things... stop caring about what's going on around us. I'd always told myself it was never going to happen to me but...it started to and it scared me."

"... until you walked into that party and it was like... like something inside me woke up again."

A beat of silence passed between them. "Is that your way of saying that you want us to get back together?" Alec questioned.

"If you want to." Magnus sounded uncertain and it was that uncertainty which took Alec by surprise. Magnus Bane was never uncertain about anything and it was Magnus' uncertainty that awoke his own.

Alec felt small and lost as he replied. "I don't know." Three words, three words had the power to make the light in Magnus' eyes go out.

"I understand- I wasn't very kind to you."

"I don't think it's possible to break up with someone _nicely_ ," Alec pointed out. "I don't blame you for that though, I- what I did was wrong I _knew_ it was wrong but I did it and admitting that I'm sorry isn't going to go back and fix it, but you have to understand that we can't be in a relationship if I don't know anything about you."

The silence was so complete that Alec could hear crickets chirping in the bushes below.

"... you're right," Magnus' voice was so quiet that it was almost carried away by the night breeze before Alec could hear it. "it's not fair to you... not knowing anything. The reason I started to stop feeling things was because I was scared to tell people things about me. My past. I was afraid."

Again, Alec couldn't help but feel shocked.

"I... wrote this." Magnus said, pulling a notebook out of his jacket.

"What is-"

"My life." Magnus said simply, "part of it anyway." Magus set the notebook down on the roof and slid it across to Alec, who caught it, pressing his hand down on the book before it could slide down the slanted roof entirely.

"I realized that if I were to die one day, I want someone to know who I was. I want you to know who I am...There are some names in there you might recognize," Magnus continued. "Herondale-"

"Will Herondale," Alec clarified. "Were you... with him?" Magnus shook his head. "No. I became involved with the Herondale family long ago, he was simply the first one that I met. Though I will admit that I considered him to be good-looking though that had to do with the fact that I have a penchant for black hair and blue eyes."

Alec prayed that Magnus didn't see his blush, he was so glad that it was dark and then he remembered that Magnus had cat eyes and that meant he likely had night vision.

Alec dropped his gaze back down to the notebook. "And... the Lightwoods?"

Alec didn't have to look up to know that Magnus was smiling from ear to ear. "Oh you _hated_ each other!" Magnus declared gleefully. "Gideon and Gabriel Lightwood were always at William Herondale's throat and vise versa. I'm sure the very fact that you and Jace are parabatai is making them turn over in their graves. I'm genuinely surprised that no one murdered anyone. I of course was caught in the middle of everything for quite a while."

Alec rolled his eyes and smiled.

Magnus smiled back.

"I didn't date any Herondales or any other shadowhunters for that matter." the warlock reached out a hand and tapped the notebook gently. "Consider this evidence that I'm ready to tell you the truth about myself. I am willing to give you what I haven't given anyone else if you are willing to take it and listen and try to understand."

"Alright." was all Alec could think of to say. Magnus turned to him, looking somewhat incredulous. "Really?"

Alec reached out and took Magnus' hand, interlocking his fingers with Magnus'.

Magnus in turn reached out with his free hand to cup Alec's jaw line and kiss him. Soft and slow and gentle, a promise.

"Come off of the roof." Magnus said softly. Alec tipped his head back, staring at the stars, that reflected in his eyes, turning them nearly silver.

"In a minute, it's nice." Alec again felt Magnus' smile more then he saw it, Magnus squeezed his fingers once before letting go and drawing away to disappear off the roof.

* * *

"Alec." Alec turned at the sound of his name to see his father coming toward him, Alec scanned the rest of the room searching for his mother whom he found on the other side of the room.

Alec crossed his arms, staring down his father. "You know you could at least pretend to be civil with mom." He snapped.

Robert flinched. "What happened between me and Maryse was not yours or Isabelle's or even Max's fault." Robert began gently. "We still love each other, it's just a different kind of love then we thought it was... sometimes you choose who you want to be with when you are too young and then one of you changes and the other doesn't."

Alec felt himself bristle at the words. "If that's meant to be a stab at me and Magnus you can shove it and walk that way," Alec growled under his breath, pointing over his father's shoulder to indicate the way his father had come from. "You lost the right to give your opinion on my relationships when you made it clear that a gay shadowhunter wasn't a real shadowhunter. I'm not interested in hearing this discussion a second time." Alec turned away from his father and began walking away.

"Alec." nothing in Robert's voice sounded angry... just broken. Alec knew broken. He froze and looked over his shoulder.

"I said unforgivable things to you I know that, but I have always been proud of you and I am no less proud of you now."

"I don't believe you." Alec said over his shoulder. "Just let me explain." Robert pleaded, before he launched into the story of how Robert's parabatai- Michael Wayland- had been in love with him and how Robert didn't love him back in the same way and pushed him away because of it. How it had destroyed their bond.

"You think that I am ashamed of you but I am only ashamed of _myself_. When I look at you I see a mirror of my own unkindness towards someone who didn't deserve it. We find in our children our own selves again, who might be made better than we are. Alec, you are so much a better man than I ever was."

Alec stood frozen, he remembered his dream in Edom where his father had accepted him for everything he was and had called him a good shadowhunter- somehow- being called a good man was better- it reminded Alec that he was human underneath the runes and the gift of the Sight. That he was still at least half-human.

Alec turned to face his father again, and touched his arm, the first time he'd willing touched his father in months he realized with a jolt. He dropped his hand. "Thank you, for telling me the truth." He said, and turned away again.

* * *

Alec had missed Magnus' loft.

He'd missed New York in general. What with being in Idris for so long and then Edom.

 _Just once, just once I would like to have a_ normal _vacation._ Alec thought, though he doubted that was ever going to happen.

"I saw you talking with your father." Magnus said. Alec was pushed from his thoughts. "Did it look as bad as I think it did?"

"No." Magnus said softly, lightly tracing the outline of a rune on Alec's neck. "Did.. did you forgive him?" Alec hummed, considering the question. "For some things, not for others, not entirely. I guess now you're not the only one who can claim to have daddy issues."

Magnus stopped tracing the rune on Alec's neck and gave a sigh of long suffering. "And here I thought we were having a good conversation."

Alec laughed. "He could have been worse." Alec said carefully. "No he couldn't have," Magnus countered. "We just so happened to catch him in a 'good' mood."

"Stealing people's memories and being annoyingly cryptic is him in a _good_ mood?"

"And now you understand why I never talk about him." Magnus declared.

Alec laughed.

"I fail to see what's so humorous about it." Magnus said.

"Nothing, I was just imagining how awful Thanksgiving would be."

"Your father and my father in the same room? God, everyone would die." Magnus said, looking and sounding completely serious.

"Within the first fifteen seconds." Alec agreed.

"I'd give it five." Magnus said. Alec shook his head, smile tugging at his lips as he turned his head to the side and down, to press a kiss to Magnus' still-bruised wrist.

The mood suddenly took a dip.

"I thought you were dead." Alec said quietly, as if just saying the four letter word would make Magnus stop breathing.

"I'm right here, Alexander." Magnus reassured; and there was so much love and understanding in those four words, so much that was said without actually being spoken at all that it took Alec a moment to speak past the lump that formed in his throat.

"...I killed Meliorn."

Magnus just nodded. "I know."

"I have nightmares about it; all of it, killing Meliorn, Edom, you dying, you giving up your memories... forgetting about me... about everything that's ever made you happy in your entire life. And I know that's stupid because you didn't die and you're fine but it was all my fault."

"It was _not_ your fault." Magnus reassured, his hand moving up Alec's neck, to his face, Magnus brushed his thumb along Alec's cheekbone. "None of that was your fault, I'm the one who answered that letter, I'm the one who walked into that trap. You didn't have to come and save me."

Alec looked bewildered. "Of course I did!"

"No, you didn't." Magnus repeated gently. "I wouldn't have been angry with you if you hadn't come to save me, I would have understood."

"You….you didn't think I would come for you?"

"Few would go into Hell for anything Alexander."

"Just don't make a habit of going _into_ Hell and we'll be fine, I mean it sucked but that was mainly because I had to deal with Simon and Isabelle _and_ Clary and Jace. Straight couples are so annoying, I walked in on both of them having some sort of moment at least once and that was beyond awkward. And don't even get me started on when Jace told me to make him a pie!"

Magnus raised an eyebrow but didn't ask for clarification. He just smiled and pressed a kiss to Alec's forehead. "You poor thing, you can complain about the horrible Jace Herondale all you want in the morning."

Alec stuck out his tongue in a childish display of behavior and Magnus just shook his head.

* * *

They fell asleep facing each other with their hands clasped in the space between them, either of them ready to wake up and chase away the other's nightmares.


End file.
